Gut their laid-back demeanor actually makes them great CEOs and perfect for management positions. Rarely do they get over-excited or panic. And, even when they do, you’d probably never know it.
Dear Paul,
I work as part of a three-person team, we are all responsible for the work, and we live or die together. There is a member of our group, I’ll call him Steve, who, though very good at his job, is painfully slow. There is deliberate, and there is slow; he is slow. Again, his work is always good, but the lack of alacrity in his process is making the other two of us feel anxious. Is there anything we can do without hurting his feelings? Also, full disclosure, Steve is a three-toed sloth.
Signed,
Left Hanging
Dear Hanging,
Well, first off, you’re lucky it’s the three-toed variety and not the two-toed. Though they appear similar, they are not. The three-toed variety is much more laid back and accepting. They are very focused and not too fond of being touched, but their laid-back demeanor actually makes them great CEOs and perfect for management positions. Rarely do they get over-excited or panic. And, even when they do, you’d probably never know it.
This is opposed to the two-toed variety, which is aggressive and really, really doesn’t like being touched. A few years back, there was a story in the news about a two-toed sloth working middle management at Apple. He was fine, did good work, and people were patient with him because he was always smiling. The thing is, sloths don’t actually smile all the time. They have a facial structure that gives the appearance of smiling or perpetual happiness. So, thinking the sloth was always happy, Mildred Aucoose, a content designer, greeted the sloth in the break room with a pleasant, Good Morning, Glen, and a friendly pat on the back, as she got her coffee and went back to her cubical. Unbeknownst to Midlred, this friendly pat incensed the sloth, and 4 hours later, the sloth made it to Mildred's cubical and gave her a very painful bite.
The good news is the bite of a sloth, two or three-toed, is not poisonous, it is painful and can become infected very easily, but it is not fatal. Sadly, Apple had, and still has a no-biting policy. They do not mess around with strikes, you bite someone, you’re gone. Five days after the incident, the sloth finally appeared in the HR department and was told he was fired. It took another five days for him to gather his personal items and leave the building.
Because they are so slow. Truth is, a sloth only moves an average of 41 yards per day.
As for your co-worker, it’s part of his genetic makeup. Sloths have a very low metabolic rate. In fact, they are so slow that a sloth only poops once a week. And being creatures of habit, they will poop in the same place, usually climbing down from their perch to deposit their waste.
Sloths are pretty set in their ways, so changing them is a big deal. Though their diet consists mainly of leaves and twigs, they have been known to eat insects, bird’s eggs, and lizards. But, if you want to bribe your co-worker into working faster, you can’t go wrong with grapes. Sloths love grapes. You might also try introducing coffee or an energy beverage into Steve’s diet. It may perk him up some.
But the harsh truth is, you’re dealing with centuries of evolution, and the sloth has evolved to be slow. It’s for self-protection, and it makes them unique in a crowded ecosystem.
My suggestion is you adapt and go with it. You’ll never be able to change him; he is slow by nature and by nurture, and that is not going to change. You could try lying about deadlines, making them earlier so the sloth feels the pressure and works a bit faster. Be aware; you’ll only be able to get away with this a few times because, although slow, sloths are not dumb. So, if you do change deadlines, don’t do it consistently, or the sloth will catch on, and then he may become frustrated and get aggressive. Once he has become aggressive, it may take weeks to recognize it.
Because they are slow.
If you do upset the sloth, you’ll find him staring directly at you while he moves toward you or the space you just occupied. This could go on for days until he finally catches up with you, and when he does, look out because here comes his wrath. Which will also take several days to manifest.
Avoid touching him, and you should be okay. But you’re never going to speed him up. And, maybe this is a lesson for you; maybe slowing down a little will make you less frantic, and you may enjoy work more. Maybe, instead of changing him, you need to change yourself.
There is much to be learned from the three-toed sloth. Not the two-toed; all you’ll learn from the two-toed is violence and vengeance. Very slow, deliberate violence and vengeance. The kind of vengeance that if you don't stand in the same spot unmoving for at least three days, you’ll probably miss it.
Maybe the message here is to slow down and smell the bacteria. Meet your co-worker halfway, wait for his arrival, and talk it over with him. Being three-toed, he is more apt to listen and understand your frustration.
I hope that helps.
If you have a question or a problem that you think Paul can help with, drop him a line at paulk@thoughtlab.com. He’ll try to answer. Which may or may not be a good thing.
